As Long As You Believe
by SS-HPFC
Summary: Lily knew what she wanted for Christmas at five. Did she know what she wanted at seventeen? Had her wishes changed? Or had they just come true? LE/JP. for xxGrimxLullaby


Disclaimer: Not JK…

A/n: Written as a Christmas Present for xxGrimxLullaby. Merry Christmas!

* * *

"Mum! Mummmm!" Lily tugged at her Mother's hand as she hurriedly mixed the batter for a cake. The smell was mouth watering but Lily had other more important things on her mind. Things like…

"Mum, can I have a Prince for Christmas?" she asked naively and Helen Evans stopped her work to look at her youngest daughter. Seeing her doe eyes she shook her head in amusement and leaned down so that she was eye level with the little girl who was jumping slightly. Seeing her own emerald eyes reflected back at her in expectation, she chuckled.

"Yes you can, Lily but may be you should wait for a few years before you ask santa that" she smiled encouragingly at her and the five year old's head bobbed up and down enthusiastically.

"You asked Mum too, Red?" the snooty voice of her elder sister broke Lily's joyous mood and her eyes widened in dread as it met her mother's. Helen could almost see the plea in them but such understanding seemed to evade her first born.

"Mum, tell her how stupid her wish is. A Prince? What are you Lily, two?" Lily's eyes looked frightened as they turned to her sister's. Tears were already blocking her vision and Helen intervened before Petunia could lash her any further.

"Petunia. Stop that at once" turning to Lily, she said, "Don't stop believing in your dreams, Lily. As long as you know you have a Prince Charming waiting for you, there will be…" the smile on her mother's face began fading as Lily's eyesight darkened. The house was enveloped in shadow and so was her sister. Soon, the only thing she could see was the smiling face of her mother whose last words were lost to her ears…

"Lily! Lily!" the sound of banging on the closed doors threw her out of the fitful dream filled sleep and abruptly into the world of the living and it was a few seconds before Lily could gather her voice.

"I'm awake, James. The dragons haven't abducted me yet…" it was so totally unlike her to give _anyone_ such a reply but of course that had been before she had been forced into being James Potter's friend.

"Are you sure Lils?"

"I told you not to call me that, Jamie!" Lily could almost see his all knowing smirk drop from his face as she called him by his most hated nickname.

"Could you wait downstairs? I'll be down in a few minutes" she yelled and jumped out of bed as soon as she heard his retreating footsteps. Honestly, he could be one hell of a child when he wanted to. But of course, he was also one of the most annoyingly adorable…

Is biting her lip going to help you, the reader, forget that little statement? Thought not. She did it anyway. Ouch!

Okay, Lily had a confession to make. She had had a teeny tiiiny crush on him back in their fourth year, but of course all that was thrown out the astronomy tower after the Severus incident…but that was all good now. James had changed, a little bit, and they were friends now. And her damned crush flew back in the window. Only this time, it brought along a chilly draught (or she thinks that's what it was) that made her shiver and go all wobbly in his presence. Definitely wasn't helping her sanity.

"James! James!" where had he run off to now? Sure they had stayed back for the Christmas holidays and luckily had the castle to themselves except for a few Professors and ghosts. He had gone berserk at first and had run along the corridors screaming at the top of his voice. Enough to say, the portraits hadn't been thrilled.

Where had he gone now, though? And which brilliant idiot had decided to put out the fire?

"Lumos" much better. Atleast now she could see where the fireplace was.

"Incendio!" Lily sat before the fire for a few minutes to warm herself before she stood up to the Christmas tree at the corner. It looked ridiculous drapped with everything in red and gold. And by everything I mean everything. The now bright red fairy stared unimpressedly at her from her perch atop the tree and Lily mouthed a silent sorry to her before she sat down before the tree.

It was no use trying to hide it anymore. An involuntary depressed sigh crossed her lips and she turned her eyes away from the pile before her. She knew exactly which lump would be missing this year. There had been no need for her to get her hopes up trying to spot her parents' shabbily wrapped package. It wouldn't be there. Just like they weren't living at their cozy home anymore.

She could plainly see her father insisting on wrapping the gifts himself though he was crap at it. Of course, he'd always ask Lily to wrap her Mum's, because he wanted everything to be perfect for his wife. He'd tie all her gift wrappings with pink ribbons even after Lily had become older. He still thought Lily his child, buying her fairytale books for gifts. But of course, she'd never receive one such book from him ever again. He was gone, as was her Mum. Her mother, who had taught her to believe in fairytales and Princes. That dream had been plaguing Lily for a while now and it hurt a lot because they had been nothing less than doting on her and what had she done? She'd gone and put them under their graves…

"Lils?" Lily jumped at the sudden voice that sounded close by her. She hadn't heard him come in.

"James. Where did you go off to?" bickering with James was Lily's best bet at attempting to keep the tears and sorrow at bay.

"Oh, I just went to see the Headmaster about one of the pranks I played on the Bloody Baron" he replied unruffled, and Lily couldn't help but be surprised. Even after she had become Head Girl, she had trouble speaking with Professor Dumbledore.

"What did he say?"

"That may be I should tone down the pranks a bit or find an alibi since I've become the Head Boy, or something" he plopped down on the floor beside her, resting his arm around her shoulders. It didn't affect her as it would have a year ago and she didn't slap his hand away.

"What are you going to do now, Jamie? You can't go without pranking someone for longer than a few hours!" Lily was being overtly dramatic and James laughed.

"I guess I'll consider it my New Years' resolution. 'To go without pranking for a whole 24 hours'. Sounds huge" he sighed before jumping up from his place, jostling her.

"Calm down, James? What is it?"

"It's Christmas" he was grinning from ear to ear and Lily had a slight suspicion that he was about to suggest something she wouldn't like.

"I guess you lost the calendar?"

"Ha ha, funny, Lils. We are supposed to celebrate today, right?"

"That's generally what people do on Christmas" she nodded. May be if she postponed hearing about it, he might forget his idea.

"Why are we seated here then? Aren't you bored?" his energy was literally bounding off him and Lily chuckled.

"What do you suggest we do? And I am not stepping outside the warmth of the commonroom. It's freezing out there and I hate the feeling of the warming charm on me" Lily was grinning triumphantly as his eyebrows scrunched while he thought of something 'fun' to do within the commonroom. She was almost sure he was coming up blank when the expression on his face changed. He was smiling but another expression was dominating. An expression that curiously enough seemed like embarrassment mixed with hope. What was he upto now?

"I have an idea, but I dunno if you'll like it" he explained and ran a hand through his hair. Now, Lily knew something was definitely making him nervous. He only ever did that before he asked her out (which thankfully he had stopped doing last year). He wasn't going to start again now, was he?

Because if he did, Lily'd have to hide in some dark, unused corner of the castle so that her mouth wouldn't run away with her and utter a stupid yes.

"We could dance?" What? He wanted her to _dance?_

"I mean, do you remember the time we contemplated hosting a Christmas ball?" Lily nodded. They had given up the idea because there had been a rumored attack on Hogwarts.

"We could have one here. Just for you and me" he was grinning now, and Lily couldn't help wonder. Was he ever anything less that jubilant?

"Sure" she tried to shrug the idea off as a normal one though she could tell something was going to go wrong just by the frantic beating of her heart.

Lily watched for the next ten minutes as James changed the commonroom to resemble a ballroom. Some of his ideas were silly (who hangs up carved pumpkins at Christmas balls?) but there were a few she really thought would have been great if they had had a real Ball.

"All done" he proclaimed as he extended a hand towards her. Seeing her hesitation, he said, "Come on, Lily. Just one dance? We can't let all these decorations go to waste, can we?" he was sporting his best pleading look and it was unfortunately working.

"Alright. But where's the music?"

"I thought I'd let you choose. I mean, you like Muggle music, right? So I thought I'd give it a try?" Lily's face broke out into a smile at that. No matter how much she tried, Lily could never come to love Wizard music as much as Muggle music. She muttered the spell she had found in a rusty book in the library that played the music that the caster wanted.

It was only when they had begun dancing did she realize that the song was a slow romantic song which was her guilty pleasure. He seemed to recognize it too, for his eyebrows rose in surprise. Lily could almost feel her cheeks flaming and tried to avoid his gaze by staring at the fire.

"I didn't choose it. Not exactly, anyway. I mean, the spell, it was supposed to…" he placed a finger on her lips to thankfully stop her from muttering something that would make even lesser sense than the rest had.

"I like it." Lily was sure her eyes widened comically. He liked this song? But, …

"But, it's so cliché. It's so…"

"Fitting?" he asked, and it struck Lily that the lines clearly summed up their relationship.

_Arrogant I was; cruel you were,_

_The first, and the last_

_Girl to ever walk my dreams._

_How could this be?_

_I'm deaf to my friends;_

_But why do your words tear me up?_

_I tried; I changed; For you;_

_People laugh at my stupidity,_

_They call me a love sick fool._

_Do they even know?_

_If your hate was all I could get;_

_I'd still be happy._

_If you'd yell at me all the time;_

_There wouldn't be a sweeter music,_

_To my deranged ears; or my shattered heart._

_But if you could just look at me once,_

_Just look; Just once; You'd see._

_It's no more a game to me, your heart;_

_You call me a liar; and a liar I am._

_Why else do I wake up everyday;_

_With the same prayer_

"_Today'll be the day"_

_Why do I pretend; that you even care?_

_Because, dear, it's a game no more…_

"James…" she couldn't continue and the song turned into a melancholic music, reflecting her mood.

"I'm…I'm so sorry I upset you, Lily. I didn't mean to say that. I thought we could just, enjoy the day without letting things get between…"

"Just, talk about something else, James. Anything else"

"How about why you were almost in tears back there?" so that hadn't escaped his notice.

"I was crying because your presents pile was larger than mine" she tried desperately to make a joke out of it. It was the truth, afterall.

"Never knew you had such a soft spot for presents. May be I should have tried it sooner?"

"I have thrown it in your face, or something" Lily replied honestly, glad that he was attempting to move the conversation away from things she was embarrassed to talk about.

"Really? Even if it was for Christmas?" he sounded genuinely curious and she regretted not opening the presents sooner. Now he'll think she was going to play Quidditch with his gift or something. Which she totally was not going to because 1. She was crap at it and would most probably hit his head rather than throw it out the window and 2. It felt wrong to do that to James. Or anyone else. He seemed to have noticed her gaze and his next words confirmed it.

"May be you could just ignore mine and not play catch with it?" he sounded so hopeful that Lily had to laugh. He seriously thought she'd do that?

"May be I could just forget that you sent it to me?" she offered a compromise but it seemed to disappoint him, somehow.

"Alright. Now that we've come to a conciliation…!" he clapped his hands like a child but Lily could sense that his enthusiasm was forced. Something was bothering him, but she tried to be as diplomatic as him at avoiding shady waters.

As they sorted through their pile, they remained silent until Lily happened to come across a small package wrapped in a glaring yellow wrapper. She opened it hesitantly, dreading what she'd find inside. James must have known for he stopped ploughing through what appeared to be a box of endless wrappings. Must have been Sirius' gift.

As expected, Petunia had once again given her something she'd hate. The frail chain that rested inside the box would have been called a beautiful present but Lily knew Petunia sent her these because she knew Lily hated delicate things. She was neither good at handling them nor did she like them.

"You like that?" his voice released her from her staring and she quickly closed the box.

"It was from my sister. I'm thrilled she sent me anything at all what with her thinking that I am a freak of nature" Lily had no restriction in telling him that. He had read one of Petunia's letters which she had left lying around. He had returned it to her safely, when she had thought he'd have made a jolly good prank out of it. It had made her start believing that he wasn't completely rotten.

"That's stupid, Lily and I've told you that time and time again" that was true. It had been his kind of one liner.

"But now she has a point. I mean, I did cause…"

"Cause what, Lily? You don't have to tell me if you don't want to but I think there's something that's been nagging you, isn't there?"

"It was just something she told me at my parents'…" she couldn't bring herself to say the word. That would mean she accepted it. No, she couldn't.

"What did she say?" he seemed to pick up on her inability to continue and Lily was thankful he didn't push the subject. Not as if he didn't know what she meant. He had been there in the Great Hall when Lily had received the bland Ministry letter. His eyes had been the only one that had expressed understanding and compassion rather than sympathy, something she hated. She did not want a pity party.

"That I killed them. That is the truth afterall. I mean, why else would Death Eaters have the sudden desire to raid an insignificant, sleepy part of London? No wonder she says I'm a freak, I cause destruction everywhere I go…" she realised that she had long since stopped talking to James. This was becoming a vent out session that she did not want him to be audience to. He might claim to have an unwavering crush on her but even he would be freaked out.

"That's the most retarded bit of reasoning I've ever heard. I think you let go of logic at killed" he remarked feverishly, his face expressing genuine incredulity. Lily did not deem him with a reply. Nothing he could say could sway her from the truth. Stubbornness set in his expression as he walked to her place beside the fire purposefully. May be he thought his proximity would affect her reasoning. He was right, to an extent…

"You don't intimidate me"

"I didn't mean to. I only want you to realize that not every insult someone hurls at you is right. She must have still been hurting from the loss and people have a way of turning on their loved ones when tragedy strikes"

"Yeah, I'm her 'loved one' for sure" Lily's voice was blatantly sarcastic and James retracted.

"May be it was just easier for her to blame you than face the truth"

"It wasn't just because of her, James. I know too. If I hadn't been born with magic…"

"Oh, yeah. I can totally see how you could have avoided that."

"James!"

"What? I'm trying to help you out here. You didn't run after your magical powers, Lily. You were bestowed with them because someone from above thought you'd use it well. It is not a matter of good or bad luck. It's about whether or not you help people with what you're given"

"Is that why you want to become an Auror, James?"

"Yeah. Why, you thought I did it for the fame?" Lily didn't want to admit that she had so she distracted him.

"Where's that anonymous gift that you didn't send me?"

"Right there. But I must warn you, you might not like it at all"

"We'll see" he handed her a little box that she immediately knew was a jewellery case.

"James…this looks expensive" the very box looked posh and Lily dreaded what would lay inside.

"Give me a bit more credit than that, Lils. I know you hate expensive things. I only bought you the box"

As she cautiously opened the box, Lily caught sight of a flash of something red. She looked uncertainly at him and he said, "If it gives you any satisfaction, I did not spend a knut on it." That did make opening the box easier but nothing could have prepared her for the elegance that lay within.

It was a simple chain with a pendent. But it was completely different from the one Petunia had given her. The pendent was a chunky heart shaped stone that glinted in the fire light. She'd thought she had seen a flash of red but the stone was green now and…it was red now…

"It alternates between red and green. I found it in the forest one day and it kind of reminded me of you"

A bright glint reflected off the stone drawing her eyes away from his sheepish expression. There was a tiny white stone embedded in the front and it looked like…

"Is this the stone from my…"

"You muggle charm bracelet, yes. I thought you might like to have a reminder of it since you lost it a year ago" the bracelet had been one of her prized possessions before she had lost it during the DADA final exams last year.

"How long have you had this with you?"

"A few years" he was trying to shrug it off, but she couldn't. Lily turned the pendent around, trying to find anymore hidden secrets.

"There are a few words at the back" he lifted the chain from her hands and held it in the light so that she could read the words there. 'Your friend'. Her heart spasmed at the word.

"I don't think friends are allowed to gift me such beautiful things"

"You don't like it?"

"That doesn't matter" her hands involuntarily sought the crevice where the words were inscribed.

"So, you were telling me the truth. You were going to throw it into the bin." His voice was turning sharper and Lily felt helpless. What could she say to that? He was making rather large leaps in his assumptions and she was stumped for a way to avoid it.

"I should be going" he stood abruptly and she was struck with the bitter wind that had been coming through the window.

"James, no. Wait" she could almost hear the lack of conviction in her voice and he should have too.

"I'm sorry, Lily. I can't take this anymore. It feels like I'm running around in circles. No matter what I try it always comes down to nothing. I really did want to be a good friend to you but, I seem to mess up everytime I try. It's no use, Lily. I could never be just your friend. It's not something you could help I know, but, just…"

"You didn't move on?" she could almost hear the relief in her voice but she hoped _he_ didn't.

"You think I haven't tried? You think I could give up after so many years just like that? But, it was your interest in Amos that…"

"Diggory? That's the most ridiculous thing you've ever said, James. Whatever gave you the idea?"

"I mean, you spent so much time with him and…"

"And yeah, tutoring him in History of Magic in the middle of the crowded library is the most romantic location I could find myself in. I totally see how you could think that…"

"Tutoring? Amos Diggory?" the idea was completely unbelievable to him.

"If you had stayed awake in that class, you'd have noticed that his grades have been slipping. Even Professor Binns was getting worried"

"Why should I pay attention to his grade card?" silence reigned for a few minutes before Lily broke it.

"So you didn't give up?" she asked, unable to believe it.

"No. not even your worst retort could deter me, but I thought may be, that I should stop annoying you like that" his hands immediately sought out his hair. He was nervous.

"It did you some good, I dare say"

"Really?"

"Well, not in the beginning, no. I was just relieved. But then, you stopped hexing everything in sight and you even began ignoring Sev, so I…kind of, thought you weren't too bad." She was blushing to the roots of her hair but there wasn't anything she could do about it.

"I knew asking you out every few minutes wouldn't help. Damn Padfoot!"

"Sirius?"

"He used to give me ideas. It was Moony who suggested that I behave like myself rather than a dumb fool"

"I thought Remus was being the neutral party?" that's what he had claimed, anyway.

"Wait till news gets out after the hols. Remus is going to be one rich guy"

"Remus bet on it? _Remus?_"

"He is a Marauder afterall, Lily. What did you expect?" he came to sit beside her on the floor once again, circling his arm around her shoulder. But it didn't feel awkward now. Infact, it felt like the most normal thing, to lean into his almost embrace, resting her head on his heart where she could hear it beat softly.

"Wait till the school hears about us. We'll never have a moment alone" he was genuinely depressed and Lily giggled.

"What are they going to be gossiping about?"

"About how you so graciously agreed to be my girlfriend, of course"

"Girlfriend?" her heart began thudding erratically and she didn't even attempt to calm it down.

"I know we've never even gone on a date once but we already know each other so well, so I thought…" he was becoming adorably anxious and she spoke quickly before he jumped to further conclusions.

"It's just that you never asked me…"

"Lily Evans, would you do me the extreme honor of accepting to be my girlfriend?"

"Give me a week and I'll get back to you"

"A week? So, am I allowed to kiss you before that or…"

"That _might_ speed my decision up" she tried to fake a thoughtful expression and he grinned before his hold on her shoulder tightened and he leaned in to press his lips to hers.

Lily had always known kissing him would be like this. It would be inevitably passionate. But what she hadn't anticipated had been the dynamite of emotions that were taking over her rationale. And it was a while before she even paid them any mind.

It was almost noon and they were still seated by the now roaring fire, talking about random things when suddenly he asked, "Why didn't you like my gift? Was there something wrong with it?"

"It was perfect. Except for the inscription"

"You can change it to whatever you want. I just want you to keep it"

"I'd never have thrown it away, James." She lifted the chain and took out her wand, muttering a spell. The letters began to reform on the stone and they read…

"Your Prince?"

"I always did have a soft spot for fairytales" she smiled wistfully, looking at the now flawless pendent.

"As long as you know you have a Prince Charming waiting for you, there will be…"


End file.
